Half Full
by Mr. Durden
Summary: Kaji wants to find out who Shinji really is and what motivates him. With that, the two go out for recreation one night, and Kaji hits him with a dose of reality.
1. Chapter 1: He Needs Help

WARNING: There are some spoilers in this fan fiction. Not only is it recommended to NOT read this unless you watched the series, but to watch the series to understand what is happening and where and when this fan fiction takes place. I don't own the rights to Neon Genesis Evangelion, I simply used the character, events, locations, etc to produce a non-profit story line.

"So he's that bad?""

"He's miserable, always depressed. Something's wrong with him… Maybe piloting is the reason"

"Piloting can put him at stress, but not to the point of being that heavily depressed."

"I've tried to make him feel at home and tried to comfort him, but I can't seem to get to him…"

"Sounds like it might deeper than that."

"The fact that he met his asshole father again so many years later, and is actually working for him now could be the reason why."

"What about before he came to Tokyo 3?"

"From what I know, he really has never been a happy kid."

"What happened?"

"His mother died and his father abandoned him when he was still a little boy. He lived his whole life with his teacher until now."

"Seems like he can't get over his past."

Kaji took a drink out of his beer as he replied, almost as if the subject didn't interest him.

"I've thought about getting him some therapy…"

"I don't think he needs therapy."

"What do you mean?"

Kaji looked out the restaurant window at the hot night and replied,

"Awful thing to happen to someone, but not enough to cause this amount of sadness for so long."

"Oh, really?" Misato spoke with an angry, mocking tone.

"Okay, his father leaves him and his mother is dead, sad yes, but this happens all the time, he should be over it by now."

"Yeah? Well not everyone is an indifferent asshole like you." Her tone kept getting more irritated and louder.

"So you think it's justified for him to be that way? If so, then why doesn't he confront his past and his father?"

"Because maybe he's fragile! He probably never had anyone to love him, and he's naturally scared! You have no idea what he could be going through!"

At that point, the argument escalated up a little bit, and some of the people in the restaurant shifted their attention from their lobster bisques and pasta to Misato's and Kaji's argument. Kaji kept his cool though, while Misato became quickly aggravated by her ex's attitude towards her fourteen year old roommate.

"You know what I think Katsuragi?"

"What…?" Misato said with a lesser angry tone.

"I think there might be more to it…" Kaji took yet another sip of his beer.

Misato sighed and sank back into her chair,

"… Maybe. I just don't know what to do anymore."

Kaji leaned back and rested his arm onto his chair.

"… You really care about him huh?"

A small smile formed on Misato's lips

"… Yeah"

Seeing her expression made Kaji smile a little too.

"Let's go, I'll take you home"

Kaji signaled the waiter over and left his check on the table. They both entered his car and drove home in midst of humid night.

"See ya Kaji, thanks for dinner."

"Sure… Hey Misato, tell Shinji that I'm gonna pick him up after school on Friday. I'll take him out to get something to eat and then we'll go hang out and catch a movie. Maybe I can cheer him up a bit."

Misato smiled,

"Thanks Kaji, that's really sweet."

"Sure."

"Just don't take him to a strip club", she said jokingly.

"No, of course not… I'll take him the second time."

Misato chuckled and gave him a goodbye kiss on the cheek.

Misato made her way up to her condominium to her apartment. Upon entering she stopped by Shinji's room door. She noticed him in there lying down on his futon in the darkness with his back to the door. He's was obviously still awake since he still had his music player still plugged in his ears. Seeing him like that made her feel down again, but she didn't even know what to say to him anymore.

She didn't know how she could comfort him anymore.

--Well, that's chapter 1. Hope you enjoyed, and feel free to comment.--


	2. Chapter 2: Walls

Everyone hates waking up to a loud buzzing alarm clock, and so did Shinji that morning. It required a lot of effort on his part to be able to sit up and turn off that clock. Still droopy and tired, he lifted himself off his futon onto his feet, and rubbed his eyes to get that aggravating eye sand off that makes blinking irritating. He began to drag his feet towards his bedroom door, but stopped and looked out his window. In his eyes, he saw a bleak humid day under an unforgiving sun accompanied by the disruptive noise of traffic and loud birds.

Shinji made his way to the kitchen, walking past Asuka, who was already dressed for school and halfway through her breakfast. The two didn't really talk to each other much, not because of some fight they might have had or because they disliked each other, but because they weren't close to one another. They have made small talk and made some conversation with one another before, but the way they were strangers to each other was the way they carried themselves; one set up an emotional barrier and so did other.

Shinji didn't even look at Asuka, and neither did she at him. He opened the refrigerator, and whipped out some milk and cereal from the top cabinet. He put his meal together right there next to the sink and began eating it. He didn't even sit with Asuka; he just leaned against the kitchen counter holding his cereal bowl with one hand, and a spoon with the other. He might have been shy, scared, or simply didn't want to put up with her that morning, and just figured it'd be best if he steered away from her. He glanced over at her and she didn't seem to even notice him there.

Asuka drank the rest of her milk while glancing over to Shinji. She half-way expected him to sit with her, but quickly disregarded the fact figuring he's just being awkward again. She got up from the table and made her way to the bathroom. Still though, it bothered her that Shinji didn't sit with her at the table or said anything to her, as there was a slight feeling of disappointment in either towards Shinji or herself. She stopped at the door before entering and looked back at the kitchen. She was about to ask him, "Hey Shinji, hurry up if you wanna walk with me to school…" But she didn't, she just closed her eyes for a second and entered the bathroom.

Seeing Asuka leave the apartment without saying anything or even looking at him made Shinji have that feeling of being unwanted again. He felt shameful that the girl who lived with him didn't even manage to say "Hi" to him. Was he that sad and pathetic? He couldn't even finish his cereal. Taking one more look outside, this time through the veranda glass door, reminded him again of the empty day it was. He dumped what was left of the cereal into the sink and watched part of it wash down the drain. He watched that cereal thinking of how he wasn't needed and was just a waste that could possibly be disposed of down a drain.

--Thanks again for reading. I know these are fairly short chapters, but to me they work great as they focus on different elements of the story. Feel free to comment.--


	3. Chapter 3: Rain

The roof of the school was always favored by the student body as a relaxation spot during school hours. During lunchtime, study halls, and whenever anyone wanted to skip class, they would be up there leaning on the fence overlooking the city and up at the mountains. Asuka and Hikari were up there skipping their first period algebra class, since no one was ever there that early.

"Where's Shinji today? I didn't see him come in with you this morning."

"I don't know, we didn't leave together."

"That's pretty weird?"

Asuka looked at her friend with confusion,

"What do you mean?"

"You always make it here together, always walking to school together and from school together… Always side by side." Hiraki's reply came with a fresh facial expression which caught Asuka off guard,

"The hell are you implying Hikari?!" the blushing, annoyed red head said.

"I'm kidding Asuka… but still, Shinji's a nice guy, and he's really cute. You two have been living together for a long time and are you gonna tell me that nothing ever happened in that apartment you share with him?"

Standing tall and self righteous with her hands on her hips she stated,

"Ha, like I'd get involved with that loser!"

"Sigh… Well at least I wish Toji was more like Shinji…"

"You want Toji to be more of a dork?"

"No Asuka. I wish Toji was more sensitive and more mature. He's always being a jerk and talking about nasty shit with his friends. I wish he wouldn't be such a jock all the time."

Asuka put her elbows on the fence railing looking out to the mountains. She rested her chin on her arms with a sad look on her eyes,

"Shinji is a nice guy… But he's not… sigh"

"Not what?"

Asuka closed her eyes,

"…Nothing, forget it."

Dark clouds began to slowly emerge from behind the mountains in a straight line towards the city and the school. Heavy rain came rushing down from the giant gray clouds onto the city, washing everything in its path. There was no thunder; no lightning, only water drops falling down and the sound of the rain began to become more loud and clear. The calm and yet depressing noise of water crashing onto the ground began to become more apparent as the rainstorm approached the school.

"Let's go Asuka, it's about to rain"

"Yeah. Okay."

Hikari grabbed her hand and pulled her off the fence. They entered the staircase and began their descend towards the cafeteria. Asuka noticed the rain beginning to hit the glass windows as she and Hikari walked down the flight of stairs. The clouds completely layered the sky with darkness.

"Oh, Shinji, what you doing here? How come you're not at school?"

"I don't feel very good today."

"… Okay, stay at home then. Did you have breakfast already?"

"Yeah."

"… All right."

Misato, having just woken up, found Shinji sitting down on the sofa watching television. She was wearing her small pink shirt and cotton underwear that would catch the attention of any man, except for Shinji's. He had that awful look of a clinically depressed person again. She looked at him for a couple seconds thinking of something to say, but she couldn't think of anything appropriate and again, failed to aid him.

She made her way to the kitchen and fixed herself a tuna and peanut butter sandwich with a cup of milk on the side. She sat down at the table and began eating her unusual meal. The time on the microwave was nine thirty, giving Misato thirty minutes to get ready for work. She could hear the television from the kitchen, and it sounded like those morning ad commercials that promoted some useless product for three hours straight showing all the paid actors telling how great the product was. She knew Shinji wasn't really watching TV, she knew he was just sitting there staring at the screen but really thinking about something else… he had things going through his mind, and that much she knew, but she didn't know what it was he thought about. She didn't know what he wanted, what he liked, what he disliked, she didn't know who he was. He was a stranger at her house who cleaned up after her and had good manners, oh yeah, and he also kept the city safe by battling monster in a giant humanoid mech.

The rain came down crashing at the veranda glass door in the kitchen. Misato's track of thought was lost due to the sudden rainstorm. She looked over to the time on the microwave again and it read nine forty-five. She devoured what was left of her sandwich and washed it down with her cup of milk. She ran to the bathroom and prepared herself for work. Once in her work attire, she made her way to the living room again. There he was still exactly like he was almost half an hour ago, staring at the TV screen, completely lost.

"Hey Shinji, Kaji's gonna be taking you to see a movie tomorrow night. I think it be great if you went."

"…Okay, I guess I'll go."

Shinji moved his mouth almost as if he didn't even hear Misato, like an involuntary response.

"Great, he'll be here tomorrow at seven… Bye Shinji."

"… Bye."

Misato shut the door as she left the apartment into the heavy rain, leaving Shinji and the television set alone.

"Buy Hair-ty-Gro formula today! Your hair will grow back guaranteed or your money back!"

--Things are going to escalate in the next chapters when Shinji and Kaji meet up and get to know each other better. Thanks for the reviews out there, I'll try to make the chapters much longer (Chapter 4 will be fairly long, guarantee). Feel free to comment and thanks for reading.--


	4. Chapter 4: On The Edge Of A Broken Dream

It was so surreal, being in that train that led nowhere, from infinity to infinity. Going round and round on those rail tracks that rested above nothing. Being there, in that never ending dusk in the middle of space, it was so dreamlike, and yet so real. Shinji was there on that train and so was Ayanami. He knew this scenario from before, it played many times in his head: Rei was about to confront him, just like she always did when he found himself sitting inside that train again and again.

"Why do you pilot Eva?"

"Shut up, I don't wanna hear it..."

"Why do you pilot Eva?"

"I said shut up!"

"Are you going to keep running away?"

"I said shut up!!"

Shinji grabbed her by the neck, choking her with his hands, but then something happened. He was choking Asuka now. Shinji's eyes widened in fear and confusion seeing Rei suddenly morph into his redheaded colleague. It happened again, now Asuka became Misato. Shinji gasped as he kept on slowly killing these people he knew so closely, or this transforming entity in this unreal world. As Misato kept on losing air and dying in Shinji's hands, she turned lastly into Gendo who had his stern and cold expression even under his son's deadly grip. When he saw his father's face, Shinji screamed. A sudden rush of anger, shame and guilt overwhelmed him in seeing his father there in front of him. He let go and kicked him backwards, smashing his back against the train's window. The glass gave out, shattered, and all that Shinji saw was his father, or whatever that was, go through and fall out of the train. Seconds passed before Shinji ran over to the broken window, realizing what he had just done. However his father was gone, he wasn't on the tracks or free falling into the endless space. It almost as if the incident never happened, but the glass bits were still on the floor and the window was still missing.

At the end of the train car, the door leading to the conductor's cabin opened. The sun shone right through the opened door into Shinji's eyes. The glare was so strong he had to squint to look at the entrance. Shinji kept watching curiously with his hands shielding his eyes from the golden sun, waiting for someone or something to come out, and then he heard a voice come from the inside the cabin. It was a man's voice, it sounded familiar, he just didn't know whose it was.

"Now why did you do that?"

"What?"

"I saw you, you tried to strangle all those girls, and then you kicked that man out the train window. Why would you do such a thing?"

Shinji was scared, scared like someone would get if they were caught shoplifting by the police, multiplied by ten. His whole body began to shake; even his eyes did so under that sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach. Regret and guilty took him over, he was frozen there hoping if he kept still, he would become invisible or disappear, but he wasn't.

"I, I don't know…"

"You almost killed three people, you killed that man, and you don't know why?"

"I-I…"

"…Well?"

"I… they… I can't face them anymore!"

A silhouette of a man leaned out the cabin door covering the sun's glare. Shinji couldn't see who he was, the sun's projection through the glass made for a dark blurry image of this stranger with golden rays gleaming from his outline.

"Why? What did they do to you?"

Shinji felt his stomach twisting more and more as this dark stranger kept prying him. Shinji looked down, ready to burst into tears, and unable to answer because he wasn't sure of the answer himself.

"You said you can't face them anymore… Or is it yourself that you can't face?"

"(gasp)…" it was all that Shinji managed to say.

"… What about your father? You definitely have strong feelings towards him, since you kicked him out the train window… Do you hate him?"

"No… I… Yes… Yeas…! I hate him!!"

"… Because he doesn't return your love?

Shinji began to cry. He dropped to his knees and began to sob into his palms. The truth burned him so.

"Are you also scared of no one wanting you, accepting you?"

"Yes!"

"… So what are you going to do about it?"

Shinji kept on letting his tears rain down onto the floor, face reddened, choking on his own sadness.

"Are you going to stay there on your knees? You're not going to get up?"

"No (sniff) what's the point anymore? (sniff) I'm worthless, a coward…"

"… Then there's no reason for you to live is there?"

Shinji didn't answer, his silence showed his agreement, but inside part of him was screaming 'no'. He just stared at the floor, watching his tear drops on the cold metal he knelt on.

The dark stranger stood there watching the teen for a minute before he shut the cabin door. The metal door made a metal grinding noise as it shut, followed by a loud thud and the sound of a lock being turned. Shinji didn't budge. A moment later, the train began to gain speed, faster and faster. Shinji looked up at the closed door,

"What are you doing? Why are we going so fast?"

The train began to shake more and more. Shinji jumped to his feet and ran for the locked door.

"Hey stop! This is too fast, were gonna crash! You're going too fast!"

His face still marked with water trails from crying, now had a panicked look. Adrenaline and fear powered him now as he slammed his hand on the cabin door, hoping to quickly get a response from the man. Sparks began to fly off the train wheels as it began to gain more speed and shake violently. Seeing those sparks made Shinji more scared, as he was sure the train wasn't meant to produce them. There was rumbling, sounds of metal creaking and breaking, and 'chug chug' noise produced by the trains wheels were now playing at much higher tempo.

"I'm serious, stop the train!! We're gonna crash!!"

"You had your chance Shinji. No one's going to help you now."

"Just stop the damn train!!"

"… No… Only you can stop it from derailing…"

"I can't!! You locked the door!!"

"When a door shuts close on you, do you always whine and complain? Do you always wait for someone to help you open it? Fuck that, you need to open this yourself if you want to live."

"Don't do this!! Please stop!!"

"… You disappoint me Shinji…"

The train made a turn. It became silent, all the noise was gone, and all the sparks and loud metal had calmed down. The train had come of the rails; it tilted sideways and rolled off. Shinji was violently bashed against the wall as the train barrel rolled out of its tracks into the air. His arm and ribs hurt from the impact, he moaned and groaned before he realized he was free falling inside the car. It kept going down in a spiral manner and all that could bee seen and heard was the wind whistle. Seconds later, ground thousands of feet under became visible. Shinji saw the landscape fading in his vision out the window. He couldn't believe he was about to die, right there inside that metal casing, and there's was nothing he could do, he couldn't fight gravity like he could against an angel. It was a guaranteed death. The earth was getting closer and closer; maybe he had five seconds left before crashing. In that moment, right before hitting the ground, when the train was about twenty feet away from crashing, Shinji heard a faint, whispering voice. It was Asuka's voice he heard,

"Whose fault is this?"

In that critical moment, just a tenth of a second from a splatter death, he woke up.

He even fell out of the sofa as he woke up in panic, with his eyes almost as wide as his mouth as he screamed, all sweaty and unsure where he was. He rolled off the edge of the sofa and did a hard face plant on the carpet. Shinji never had a dream, or nightmare, like that before; it was unlike anything he ever experienced before,

"Ooowww… Shit…"

It took him a second to get up, as he still wasn't one hundred percent conscious yet, still having that in between dream/reality experience when someone gets up in the morning. Shinji lifted himself up and sat against the sofa since he didn't recover all his strength yet. It was nighttime, and the rainstorm which had evolved into a thunderstorm was still pressing on. The constant shower kept on going as if it had an infinite source of water hailed down from heaven. Those dark, gray clouds had now become black and violent, lighting the sky with its blue lightning rods and masking any sound with its godly thunder. The rain beat so hard against the living room window, that the possibility of it breaking wasn't too far fetched. Shinji stretched out his arms with a long, deep yawn that produced a tear on his eyelid. The television was still on from morning,

"Now I've tried Hair-ty-Gro, and let me tell you, it works one hundred percen-tile…!"

Turns out he had the paid programming channel on all day. He reached for the remote and turned off the television. Taking one last yawn, he got up and went to the kitchen to check the time. Nine seventeen was on the microwave, which surprised Shinji. He had been asleep for almost twelve hours; not including the ones he slept at night, but what he couldn't stop thinking about was that nightmare. What was it about, and who was that man on the train. He had a dream where Rei questioned him before, and he hated that dream, but this one was different, it was much deeper. That man on the train wasn't someone he knew, someone who had any affiliation with him, that man didn't care for him, but he wanted something from Shinji, but he didn't know what.

Lightning struck the somewhere in the city, and a thunder followed it. It distracted Shinji from his pondering. He looked outside, but he couldn't see anything through the raindrops smashing against the veranda glass door. All he saw was flashing from the lightning, and blurred lights from the city. Breaking away from his thoughts, Shinji scanned the kitchen with his eyes to find it a complete mess,

"(Sigh)… Better clean everything up before Misato gets back…"

That reminded him, had Asuka come home? He walked to her room, but she wasn't present. He looked at the bathroom door, but there was no light coming from the slit under it,

"I guess she's not home…"

She probably stayed at Hikari's that night, he figured. He returned to kitchen and picked up a couple of house cleaning products from the bottom cabinets. The rain and the storm raged on, but Shinji didn't mind it, he simply began his house duties with the sink,

"Is she not here… because of me?"

Shinji started to feel down again, but it wasn't that bad this time. Part of him wasn't really 'giving a shit' to say the least.

"Thanks for letting me stay the night Hikari."

"Sure Asuka. You're always welcome here."

Hikari reached inside her bedroom closet and pulled out two futons. She handed one to Asuka, and they set them next to each other. Before slipping under her blanket, Hikari turned off the light and rushed to her futon. All that lit up the room was darkness and lightning. The sound of the rain beating against the widow in that room wasn't chaotic, it was more soothing.

"Asuka…"

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you wanna go home today?"

"I just… me and Misato got into a fight this morning. She was bitching about my piloting."

"… I see."

"It's no big deal, I'm sure everything will be fine by tomorrow…"

"Well, good night Asuka."

"Good night Hikari."

Asuka turned on her side while gripping her blanket. She had a sad look in her eyes,

"… Idiot…" was all she said before closed her eyes. The rain made for a nice lullaby that night.

--Thanks for reading again. Feel free to comment and give advice.--


End file.
